Paralyzer
by M3535
Summary: AU. Muggle!Sirius, wizard!Remus. After a long day's work, Remus needs to relax. Unfortunately that's a bit difficult when your friends drag you off to a noisy nightclub. Two shot.
1. Chapter 1

**N/A: This was written for the Black Circle DJ feat on LiveJournal. Betaed by acidbathory.**

**To those waiting for an update on "Heart Full of Black": I'm SO sorry it's been so long. Chapter 13 will be up in a day or two. This fic is the culprit. I had a major writers block and a deadline to make.**

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><p><strong>Paralyzer<strong>

Remus struggled to get past the little paper umbrellas and other rubbish completely covering the glass in front of him so he could get access to the actual drink.

"You're supposed to use the straw, Remus. Haven't you ever seen one of those?" chuckled the little brunette sitting on the barstool next to Remus.

"Very funny, Dorcas," he commented drily. To be honest, he hadn't noticed that there _was_ a straw hiding amongst the vast amount of garnish. "What is this drink anyway?"

"It's a Mai Tai. Try it - it's very delicious."

Remus contemplated it suspiciously. "Don't they have beer? Muggles make excellent beer," he muttered. "Or is that too _ordinary_ for this place?"

"Ah, don't be such a wet blanket, Remus. How can you not be in a good mood after a day like today?"

The five young Order members in the club had just taken part in a very successful operation that had led to the arrest of no less than three Death Eaters. It had taken weeks of planning and hard work and had now paid off very well.

"Of course I'm happy about today! It's just this place... couldn't we have gone to a pub, or something else more down to earth, to celebrate?"

Remus was uncomfortable. It was stuffy and too hot in there, and you had to almost shout or speak directly into people's ears to make yourself heard over the noise.

"No, that's too boring. Such a great accomplishment requires somewhere more special."

"Why? I don't see Dumbledore or Moody or McGonagall anywhere in here."

"Yeah - but they're ancient, Remus. You're twenty three! You should be ecstatic and all over the dance floor."

"I can't dance..."

"That's putting it mildly," sniggered the read-head on Remus' left.

"Belt up, Evans."

To Remus' great relief, Dorcas was soon after asked to dance and she eagerly accepted, leaving Remus and Lily behind at the bar.

"Don't try to tell me that this place is your style, either..." Remus said.

"You know it isn't. But loosen up, Remus. Look at Dorcas - she loves it! And Frank and Alice seem to like it quite a bit as well."

Remus shot a glance at the couple in question. They were completely wrapped up in each other on the dance floor.

"Yeah, well, they'd like a waste disposal site quite a lot if they could just be there together."

"Aren't _we _in a cheerful mood!" Lily chuckled.

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by one more time?"

Both Remus' and Lily's heads jerked in the direction of the voice that had just spoken. A young man with glasses, ruffled dark hair, and a cocky grin was standing in front of them, eying Lily hungrily.

Lily treated him to a quick disapproving once-over. "You can walk by all you want. It's not going to get you anywhere."

"Ah. Difficult to get. Well, I don't mind a challenge!" the man grinned.

He walked a bit further along the bar and ordered two beers. Then he made his way back to Lily and Remus.

"If you think I'm drinking that, you've got another thing coming," Lily said, glaring at him.

"Patience, Darling. This one's for my friend, but I'll be back in a minute and then you can chose whatever drink you want," he said, winking lewdly at her.

The read-head rolled her eyes as her new admirer headed for the other side of the room.

"What a git!"

Remus laughed and let his gaze follow the man crossing the floor. And then his eyes fell on something - or rather some_one_ - that nearly knocking the wind out of him. It felt as if he was struck by a lightning bolt or a very powerful Stunning spell. He could feel his jaw drop to his chest, and surely his eyes must have nearly popped out of their sockets.

Remus could swear that he had never before seen such a handsome man. No, handsome didn't really cut it. Beautiful was a more fitting word. Stunning. Devine, even. He had shoulder-long, jet black hair that fell in elegant waves, framing his face perfectly. And what a face! It was perfectly proportioned with delicate features and high cheekbones. It looked as if a sculptor had made it out of marble, chiselling and polishing every little detail to perfection. The eyes were... well, it was difficult to determine the colour because of the distance. Blue. Or perhaps grey. Either way they were absolutely striking.

Remus ran his eyes up and down the man's body. From what he could see it was just as gorgeous as his face. Slender but not scrawny, toned but not buff. Just perfect. He was wearing snug black jeans, that hugged his form in all the right places, and a smooth black dress shirt. Both jeans and shirt must have been tailored specifically for him, Remus thought. The two top buttons of the shirt were casually undone, and the rest were just _begging_ to follow...

"...don't you agree, Remus?... Remus? Remus? Hello? Remus?"

Someone snapped their fingers in front of his face. He hadn't realised that Lily had evidently been talking to him for a while.

"Remus, I'm talking to you!"

"Hmm?" he replied vaguely, not able to take his eyes off of their target.

"What is wrong with you?" She followed his gaze with her eyes. "Oh. _OH_."

"Oh - what?"

"Oh - I see what caught your attention," she laughed.

"He's... he's..."

"Yes, he's not bad looking."

"Not bad looking?" exclaimed Remus, staring incredulously at her, having finally managed to tear his attention away from the man. "He's GORGEOUS!"

"Okay, okay - he's gorgeous," she chuckled. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"What do you mean?"

"Go talk to him!"

Remus looked horror-stricken. "Are you out of your mind? He's surely not gay - and even if he were, he's way out of my league!"

"You don't know that he isn't. And give yourself some credit, Remus. You're a nice catch, too. I'd have a go at you myself if you were straight."

"Well, like I said, you're out of your mind... Watch him - he's looking right through me."

"He just hasn't spotted you yet."

"Oh, he must have. His friend is pointing you out and talking. Probably about how he's going to seduce you."

Lily huffed.

Remus watched as his infatuation shook his head, flashing a breathtaking grin, and punched his friend's shoulder teasingly.

"Oh, _fuck_," he murmured under his breath and shifted to better hide his erection. When exactly had he gotten _that_? One minute there had been nothing and the next...

Lily leaned in. "What did you say?" she asked, practically shouting so she could make herself heard above the particularly noisy song that was playing just then.

"Nothing." Remus shook his head. "Oh - here comes Prince Charming again."

"Oh, for the love of -"

"So - have you decided on a drink yet?"

Lily appeared to have decided on the ignore-him-till-he-goes-away tactic.

"No? Maybe a Sex on the Beach? I can really recommend that."

Remus could see Lily's upper lip struggle not to curl into a vicious sneer.

"Awww, come on, Baby - come dance with me. You know you want to," the messy haired man said, leaning obnoxiously close to her.

Lily planted her palms in his chest and pushed him back roughly. "Back off! Can't you take a hint? I'm. Not. Interested!"

"Your mouth says 'no' but your body says -"

"I have a boyfriend. So bugger off!"

The man just grinned. He didn't look like he believed her one bit.

Exasperated, Lily suddenly grabbed Remus' face and started snogging him forcefully.

Remus suppressed his impulse to push her away and watched the man out of the corner of his eye. He stood there, gawking for a moment, then he slunk away, back to his friend by the wall.

"Thanks a lot, Lily! Now he _definitely _won't be interested in me. Why is it that girls always think they can use their gay friends to ward off unwanted advances?"

"Oh, Remus, I'm so sorry! I didn't think! I was desperate."

"Whatever. It's not as if I ever had a chance with him anyway."

"Don't say that. I'll go explain it to him," she said, fixing to get up.

"NO! Are you crazy?" Remus exclaimed holding her back. "Do I look like I want to humiliate myself utterly?"

"I really am sorry..."

"Don't be."

"Let me apologise by getting you another drink."

Remus agreed, and soon after a brownish drink was placed in front of him.

"It's a Canadian Paralyzer," Lily said before Remus could ask.

"What's the brown stuff?"

"I think it's coffee liqueur and cola."

"Well, at least it doesn't have stupid umbrellas in it..."

Remus started sipping his drink, that wasn't half bad, he had to admit, and resumed staring at the godlike man across the room. He was talking to his friend, seemingly trying to cheer him up after his defeat. Every once in a while he would flip his hair out of his eyes or toss his head in the most sexy way imaginable.

"Remus, close your mouth. And remember to blink once in a while," chuckled Lily.

Remus felt his cheeks grow hot with embarrassment and scolded himself for staring so openly. Even so, he kept catching himself doing it.

A little while later he watched the man pat his bespectacled friend on the shoulder and head in Remus' and Lily's direction. As he crossed the dance floor he elegantly dodged a couple of female advances.

When he passed Remus, he came to a halt. He leaned in close, his mouth almost touching Remus' ear, and Remus thought he was going to die from a heart attack.

"You're making your girlfriend jealous," he purred.

The hot breath washed over Remus' ear, making him shiver and his breath get caught in his throat. He wanted to say something - anything - but nothing came out. He just stared as the man winked at him and headed in the direction of the cloakroom.

When he emerged with his jacket slung over his shoulder, he paused and turned to face the bar. He made eye contact with Remus and nodded toward the door. Then he continued his stroll out of the club.

Remus sat there like frozen for a second. Then he turned to Lily.

"Did he just..."

"Oh yes," she nodded. "He did, indeed."

Remus' body sprang into action. He jumped off the barstool and made a beeline for the door, ignoring Lily calling out his name from behind.

**o0o0o**

Remus emerged from the club to find the black haired man leaning casually against the wall. He struck up a smile when he noticed Remus.

"You came. Great. I live just a few streets from here," he said and started walking briskly down the pavement.

Remus followed him in a half run.

"I never go home with strangers," he said.

"I see."

"Really, I don't. I'm not that kind of guy."

"Okay"

"My name is Remus, by the way."

"Hi Remus. I'm Sirius. Now we're not strangers anymore."

"Yes we are! I mean, I like to get to know people before..."

Sirius just kept walking, not saying anything.

"I always go on several dates first, before I even _begin_ to consider..."

Remus kept on and on about how he normally did and didn't act, while he was trotting alongside a silent Sirius.

Soon Sirius stopped outside a red brick building. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

"I never go home with someone I've just met."

"So you keep saying. And yet here you are."

Remus opened and closed his mouth a couple of times like a fish out of water.

"Well," said Sirius," I'm going up now. You can come if you want. Or not."

Before Remus could make a conscious decision his feet had made it for him and were carrying him up the stairs at Sirius' heels.

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><p><strong>AN: Second and last chapter will be up soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Second and last part. Hope you like it!**

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><p>"Want a drink?"<p>

"Um... sure." Remus was fidgeting nervously with the hem of his t-shirt.

Sirius treated him to a crooked smile and a smouldering look.

"Whiskey okay?"

Remus nodded. He didn't trust himself to speak just now. The sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Sirius retrieved a bottle from a glass cabinet and walked over to where Remus was standing leaning against the kitchen counter. He put the bottle of single malt on the counter and reached out to get a couple of glasses from the cupboard next to Remus' head.

Standing so close to the other man that he could feel the heat radiating off of him and smell his cologne, Remus couldn't help but reach a hand up to tentatively touch the handsome face he was so taken in by.

Sirius slowly turned his head to look at him, and Remus stared mesmerised into his striking grey eyes. And then, the next second, they were kissing vehemently. Remus' fingers were clutching tightly at the thick black hair and Sirius stepped into Remus, shoving him hard against the kitchen counter.

Remus felt something explode in his chest and it sent pulses of heat through the rest of his body. Sirius nudged his legs apart with a knee, and he gasped as he felt a thigh rubbing against his erection.

"Oh dear God, I've been hard all night!" Remus moaned.

Sirius made an indescribable noise in his throat that reduced Remus' knees to jelly. Before he managed to slide all the way down to the floor, however, Sirius caught him by the back of his thighs and heaved him up to sit on the counter. Remus hooked his legs around Sirius' hips, pulling him in flush against his body. Sirius' hips responded immediately, snapping forward.

With shaky fingers, Remus frantically worked on undoing the buttons on Sirius' shirt - something he had been aching to do ever since he had laid eyes on him in the club - but the other man's hands was sliding up under his own t-shirt and the sensation made it very hard for Remus to concentrate. Next, it was yanked rather violently over his head.

_Stupid bloody buttons - _they wouldn't cooperate, and now there were hands roaming all over his upper body, setting his skin on fire wherever they touched. Desperate, Remus decided to just rip the rest of the buttons off - he could always fix it later - and with a swift jerk they were sent flying in all directions.

Sirius pulled away from the kiss to look at him in mild surprise. For a split second Remus got the daft thought that he would be pissed at him for destroying his expensive designer shirt. The reaction, however, seemed to be quite the opposite.

"_Fucking hell!_ I think I'm gonna have you right here!" Sirius panted and threw himself back at Remus, grinding against him and attacking his neck with lips and teeth and tongue.

By their joined efforts Remus' jeans and boxers were off in no time, and Sirius' hand had closed around him.

Remus' brain shut down. He stopped thinking and could just rock into Sirius' hand and moan into his mouth during their desperate and messy kisses.

Then Sirius stuck two fingers up to Remus' lips.

"Suck," he instructed in a low husky voice.

Remus eagerly obeyed, taking the fingers into his mouth and coating them with as much saliva as possible, shivering at the thought of what Sirius was going to do next.

Remus didn't have patience for a thorough preparation. He was aching for more.

"Now," he gasped, "_please!_"

"Oh, thank God!" groaned Sirius, breathing heavily.

His body was so flooded with adrenaline and lust that he barely felt the pain, and he egged Sirius on until they were all sweat and thrusts and pants and groans.

Remus barely had to touch himself before he came long and hard as Sirius slammed into him with a final few brutal thrusts.

They took a few minutes to catch their breaths, Sirius' forehead resting against the crook of Remus' neck. He still had his fingers dug into Remus' hips.

"Bloody hell. I needed that."

"Me too."

Sirius pulled away and retrieved a tea towel for Remus. He poured them each a drink and grinned at him.

"I am a terrible host. I haven't even shown you the rest of the flat."

**o0o0o**

Remus slowly awoke, warm and comfortable. He was lying on his side and realised that the warmth was coming from someone spooning him from behind. This made him completely awake, and last night's events came flooding back to him. He could barely believe it had actually happened. That he had been picked up by this gorgeous man and that he was still in his bed.

Remus slowly turned his head to verify that he was actually there. He gave a small jump of surprise when he saw that Sirius was awake, smiling and eyes open.

"Good morning."

"Morning," said Remus, feeling himself blush. He felt a bit self-conscious here in the daylight, being completely sober. And Sirius was just as beautiful and perfect as he had been the night before. He didn't even have bed hair.

"I was just about to wake you up."

"Oh?"

"Mmm," Sirius hummed and nuzzled into Remus' hair. "I thought... we could..."

Remus did not have to ask exactly what Sirius thought they could do, because he could feel his intention nudging rather insistently against the back of his thigh. He began smothering his neck and ear with open mouth kisses, and Remus could feel himself responding immediately. He turned around and latched on to Sirius. The kisses quickly became messy and passionate.

"Do you want to top this time?" Sirius asked with a husky voice.

"All right," said Remus and groaned when he felt Sirius' hand close around him.

"Merl- _God_, you're amazing!"

Sirius grinned smugly. "I know. I'm a wizard in bed."

Remus sat back on his haunches and looked at him in surprise. "You _are_?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I just said so, didn't I?"

"Well, that makes this a lot easier," said Remus.

He got up and went to find his clothes and plucked out his wand from a pocket. When he came back, he dropped onto the bed and cast a Preparation Spell on Sirius. However, he had not expected the reaction it got him.

"What the FUCK was that?" Sirius exclaimed, eyes wide.

"A Lube-and-Prep Charm, of course..."

"A WHAT?"

Remus suddenly started sweating. Had he made a mistake?

"I thought... you just said you were a wizard!"

"What kind of freak are you? And what's t_hat_?" Sirius cried, staring at the wand in Remus' hand. Then he panicked, tumbled out of the bed and bolted for the door.

Now it was Remus' turn to panic. He had just revealed himself to a Muggle. How could he have been so careless? And stupid? The comment about being a wizard in bed must, of course, be a Muggle figure of speech.

"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!"

Sirius went rigid and tipped over backwards, crashing to the floor. Remus hurried over and knelt down next to him.

"Try not to freak out. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

Judging from the panicked expression in the fallen man's eyes Remus' words didn't seem to put him at ease.

"I'm a wizard," Remus said in a kind and calming tone. "Yes, they do exist. No need to be afraid, though. We're not bad people - well most of us aren't, anyway. We're just like regular folk except for the fact that we can do magic."

He paused. Sirius was probably too scared to really grasp what he was saying as long as he was locked in the Full Body-Bind Curse.

"I'll take the spell off you now, and then I'll explain everything. But first you have to promise me to remain calm and not try to run away. I'm not going to keep you captive, but you have to hear me out before you do anything, okay? Do you promise not to scream or run away? Blink twice if you do."

Sirius stared at him for a moment. Then he blinked twice, and Remus released him with a "Finite". Sirius sat up and rubbed the back of his head while watching Remus with a mixture of fear and anger.

"What the fuck is happening? Did you spike my drink or something?"

"No. You were the one who picked _me_ up, remember? Nothing is messing with your head. This is real."

They went to sit on the bed and Sirius reluctantly shut up and listened as Remus explained all about the wizarding world.

"Sooo - I've landed myself a wizard," he said when Remus had finally stopped talking. He had calmed down considerably, and once he had finally been convinced that Remus was not just pulling his leg, he actually seemed to be rather fascinated by the whole thing. "That's a first!"

"That you know of," commented Remus teasingly. "You weren't supposed to find out about me either, remember?"

"Are there a lot of you out there?" Sirius asked, looking surprised.

"No, not really. We are a very small minority."

"So the chances are small. And despite what you might think I actually don't sleep around much. I don't pick strangers up at night clubs all the time. You were just too tempting. So cute and shy, sitting there with your big eyes..."

Remus felt heat rise in his cheeks.

"So what happens now? You said you keep your world a secret from us mudlers, but now _I_ know about it..."

"Ah, yes. Unfortunately I'm going to have to obliviate you."

"You're going to _what_?"

"Erase your memory."

"The hell you are!"

Remus held up two hands in an appeasing gesture. "Not everything! Just your memory of last night and this morning. It's entirely my fault. I slipped up, and I'm really sorry, but I have to do this. I can't risk you going out and telling everybody. "

"As if they'd believe me!" Sirius snorted. Then he turned earnest. "What if I don't want to forget last night?"

"Like I said... It's necessary..."

"What if I want to see you again?"

Remus' eyebrows disappeared under his fringe and his mouth fell open. "You'd... you'd really want that?

"Why not? We're pretty hot together, don't you agree?"

"Y-yes, of course! You're the most amazing bloke I've ever been with, but I never thought that you'd... I mean, you could have anyone you wanted..."

"Well, maybe I want you."

"Are you being sincere? You're not just saying that to avoid being obliviated?"

"Yes, I'm sincere. So what do you say?"

Remus wasn't sure he could believe the other man. He could think of many reasons for him not to genuinely want him. Maybe if he was used to getting whoever he wanted, he would view it as a challenge to pursue someone he couldn't have.

"I... it's complicated..."

"Don't you people ever get into relationships with mudlers?"

"It's _Muggles_. And well, yes. It's not uncommon for a wizard or witch to marry a Muggle."

Sirius raised his eyebrows and a playful smile tugged at his lips. "Is that a proposal?"

Remus, once again, blushed furiously. "No! That's not what I meant."

"I'm kidding!" Sirius laughed. "So they go through a whole life keeping their spouse in the dark?"

"Of course not. But we normally get to know people well, so we're sure we can trust them, before we tell them..."

"And you can't give me the benefit of the doubt?"

"I... I don't know... I shouldn't." Something suddenly hit him. "But maybe I could just erase this morning..."

"All right. If that's what it takes. Could you wait a bit, though? I'd love to spend some naughty time with a real wizard. You could keep me captive..."

"That thought turns you on, does it?" Remus laughed.

"Maybe," Sirius grinned mischievously. "So, how do you wizards have sex?"

"Like normal people. We're just as human as you, you know."

"Yeah, but you must know some interesting bedroom tricks! Don't you have spells you use?"

"Well yes. The one you just experienced. And a Cleansing Charm afterwards is always handy. So are charms for protection against STDs. I discretely cast one on us last night, actually."

"Oh. Good thing. But I meant _fun_ spells."

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "Um... there are some for the more kinky stuff, but..."

Sirius' grin turned even more mischievous. "Well, what are you waiting for? Show me a good time!"


End file.
